Interview with Brad P.
Brad P. is like a combination of Hitch and Tommy Lee, a rock star of the dating community. After learning all he could from “natural” ladies men and players, he’s developed some unorthodox and interesting ways of viewing relationships. At one point, he used the same strategy (the oddly-enough, “where can I find some cotton candy around here?”) for three months straight - and made it work.
A former street musician and social worker in New York City, he started going out and learning how to approach women, eventually cracking the code and learning it well enough to now personally teach students across the country what he’s learned.
If you’re interested in finding out more about Brad P., you can visit his website, CreateAttraction.com. He very graciously took some time out of his busy weekend to interview with BipolarNation:
BPN: What was life like for you before you got involved with actively going out and trying to meet women? How were things different than they are today?
Brad P: Life was pretty good. Success with women was inconsistent at best, but I’ve always had a pretty interesting life.
I was an introverted overachiever in HS (translation- nerd). I had no social skills and no success with dating, but I got involved with sports and playing in local bands. So that kept me pretty busy. At the time I was dismissive about the importance of having social skills, and I’ve noticed it’s a common mistake people make when they know they’re not part of that cool crowd. It was a lonely time, but I was doing some things that were very enriching and later on when I did start learning social skills all of that enrichment helped a lot.
When I got to college things got a bit better. I was playing college basketball, I was on an acedemic scholarship and moving in intellectual circles. My college was 70% female, so I managed to date a few cute girls, but once I got out my success rate plummeted and I felt like the same nerdy high school kid again.
After college I had jobs as a basketball coach, a street musician, and a social worker. I worked with mentally disabled adults for a short while, and after that I worked with at-risk urban teens for about 5 years.
I was teaching leadership skills as part of a substance abuse prevention program in Queens NYC.
BPN: What made you realize you needed to change - and what gave you the
leverage to do it?
Brad P: I didn’t have some rock-bottom moment where I got dumped and vowed to change forever. For me it was just sort of an experiment. I’ve always been interested in experimenting with ideas and different lifestyles. I’ve always been a bit of an eccentric guy, and I’ve tried a lot of weird things in life. I get excited by ideas and theories, so when I started reading self help books as part of my broader interest in
psychology, this idea that you could change yourself into a successful person was very exciting to me. There seemed to be books on everything- getting rich, fixing emotional issues, even meeting women.
Unfortunately I didn’t actually find any good books on meeting women for quite some time. But there was a book called “No More Mister Nice Guy” that sort of planted this idea in my head that you could systematically change yourself into an attractive guy by having fun and letting go of the urge to just be super-nice to everyone all the time. I’d say that was the one that really got me motivated.
Then I started learning from some guys I knew who were successful with women. In the beginning these guys weren’t really that cooperative. They thought it was weird that I was trying to learn it, but I managed to get a few good tips that really helped me out. One guy gave me a total makeover and it changed everything. Another guy would just take me with him whenever he went out to meet women.
Once I started getting good, lots of guys were willing to help me out, because I was helping them too. It was kind of like a catch 22. No one would help me when I sucked with women, but once I got good everyone wanted to be my friend. I was really fortunate that I had access to these guys and I was persistent about the whole thing, but I think most guys just wouldn’t be able to get access to these types of guys. That’s why I decided to interview them and put out CDs of the interviews, so
people could learn from the same guys I learned from if they want to.
BPN: What kept you going out and approaching, despite the rejection?
Brad P: The rejection didn’t matter much to me, because it was just an experiment. I just wanted to see what would happen. If I got rejected, that was interesting to me. Every rejection symbolized a new piece of information for me. Every rejection was part of some new theory or new test for me. I would say to myself “Hmmm, that’s not a good line, let’s try something else” or “Must be my walk, I’m gonna change my walk up a bit.” To this day I still find the rejections pretty interesting.
BPN: Could you explain how the process of turning “cotton candy” into a
whole strategy evolved?
Brad P: I was talking to my brother on the phone one day about this, and he said “Listen man, it doesn’t even matter what you say half the time. You could go up to some girl asking where to buy cotton candy and it would probably work if you said it the right way.” I decided to try it out. I didn’t have actual opening lines yet, so why not just ask about cotton candy?
What I discovered is that even if the line isn’t that great, if you deliver it over and over again you will naturally create a large collection of follow-up material and you can succeed just based on the fact that you already KNOW all the possible ways a girl might answer that question. It makes you seem really quick witted and that’s attractive. This was the beginning of my theory of “self scripting” and “contingencies.” Later I generated way better lines than that, and I eventually read openers in the seduction community literature that were way better. But it was that humble cotton candy opener that gave me my start. I used it for about 3 months and I had some great successes with it.
BPN: What would you consider your first major breakthrough in understanding women, and how long did it take you before you achieved that?
Brad P: For me the first major breakthrough came in college when I started questioning the validity of “traditional relationships.” So many people just accept our society’s moral directives on relationships blindly. Most women automatically would assume I was interested in a serious committed relationship, and I noticed they tend to assume this about all guys.
Once I started telling girls I want to take it slow and not jump into anything too serious right away, they’d immediately start getting more interested in me. I’d ask them if they really had thought about relationships and what they want,or if they were just doing the same thing as their parents did. I was posing this as a serious question and I always expected a highly intellectual discussion to follow, but it always seemed to lead to having sex and I had no idea why. As it turns out, I was PLAYING HARD TO GET! Wow, what a discovery!
BPN: Could you tell us about finding “naturals” and how you were able to learn from them? For example, did you become friends with them and then ask them outright, or did you observe them? And what did you learn?
Brad P: In the beginning it was guys I already knew. They had been doing this stuff for years. It didn’t look like a sophisticated method, it just seemed like they were acting weird. I’d analyze what they were doing and explain it back to them and they’d say “Hmmm, you’re right.”
My friend Joe for example, he’d just act all obnoxious and tell these stories about how he used to be a huge drug addict. He had this one story about shoving cocaine up his ass and girls would be mesmerized by it. I started emulating some of it and my other friends would talk behind my back about how I was trying to copy him, but I didn’t care. It was working and that was more important. Then when he changed my look
around it all started falling into place.
The next guy I worked with was just insanely aggressive. He would do things that most people would find completely embarressing, but he just didn’t care who was watching or listening. I’d take little pieces from these guys and then go out on my own and work on it. I’d say I spent about 90% of my practice time going out by myself with no wingman or anything.
Later on when I got really good the naturals were easier to find because they wanted to pick up a few things from me. I ended up learning some really advanced stuff from them.
One guy taught me how to get women into sexual situations in about 10-20 minutes in a public restroom. Another guys taught me all about threesomes. He was tutoring me the same day I had my first real threesome.
BPN: You’ve said that you went out about 5 hours nearly every single day while you were learning. Where do you find places to go on weeknights, and did you go it alone?
Brad P: I usually went alone. I didn’t want any extraneous variables. I wanted to succeed or fail on my own. Some nights absolutely sucked. I’d be walking all over town and places would be closed or empty. It taught me to find opportunities everywhere. If a bar had 2 girls in it I’d go in and talk to those 2 girls. If they didn’t like me I’d have them recommend another place that had more women in it.
BPN: What, in your mind, is the key to fundamental identity change?
Brad P: To me it’s about losing or ignoring the yearning for comfort. In America today, we’re born into a very protected environment. We have the protection of our parents, our schools, our jobs, our home security systems, our rent-a-cops, our car insurance, it never ends. It’s a metaphor for an entire lifestyle. Most people cannot be in a bar by themselves and be comfortable. We cannot exist in an unprotected state
without becoming extremely uncomfortable. That yearning for comfort and security is what keeps your identity from expanding. It keeps you at a desk job. It keeps you from traveling. It keeps you from talking to women. It keeps you from trying new hobbies.
I travel 6 months of the year, much of it alone. I have women all over the country who I often stay with. I party with people I’ve never even met before all the time. I haven’t had a “real job” since July 2004. I have not spent a dime on insurance of any kind in about 3 years. To me, security is an unobtainable illusion that is not worth chasing.
I’m not recommending that everyone adopt this same lifestyle. I’m trying to give you some idea of what kind of a life I’ve chosen to lead in order to push my boundaries to the point where I can claim to be an expert on identity development and attracting women. Living this kind of a lifestyle has taught me lessons so deep I could never even put them into words. Right now as I write this I’m in a hotel room in Buffalo
NY.
Tonight I’m working on a brand new curriculum that I believe will revolutionize the dating and seduction scenes….and I took a little time out to do the BPN interiew. (Dan’s editor’s note: Sweet!)
BPN: When did things start clicking for you? Do you remember why things started clicking?
Brad P: There were a lot of different times things clicked.
As far as identity development, I remember this one day when I was like 15 and my basketball coach started yelling at me, telling me “Son, you’re 15 years old now, and it’s about time you create a set of stones for yourself.” Probably sounds pretty dumb I know, but those words always stuck in my head. Ultimately, “creating a set of stones for yourself” will take your further with women than any pickup line or seduction method. Creating courage and confidence is at the core of everything I teach and my new curriculum is centered around this idea.
As far as succeeding with women, a big turning point for me was just realizing that acting like a “nice guy” doesn’t really help you much. Often it sabotages you completely.
BPN: What kind of problems do you have with women THESE days?
Brad P: I don’t view “problems” in the same way most people do. If something seems to be an issue, it’s an opportunity for me to come up with a creative solution that I can then pass on to the men of the world.The kinds of things most guys would view as a problem don’t really bother me.
If I get a phone number and she doesn’t call me back, that’s fine cause I probably got 4 more #s that day and I don’t really have time to hang out with all of them anyway.
If a girl I’m seeing drops out of sight, I have the experience to know that she’ll probably be back. Women go through different cycles with their relationships, and this actually dictates their behavior more than men realize. If you know how these cycles work, you won’t be so confused about why you’re not getting a call back lately.
Scheduling is frustrating for me sometimes. I have intense emotional connections with some of the women in my life. So sometimes we want to see each other more but it’s not always possible.
BPN: Can you think of the wildest routine/experiment you’ve ever gotten away with?
Brad P: Yes. For a while I was on this kick where I would just slap women on the ass as soon as I noticed them getting attracted to me. Sometimes it would be in the first 10 seconds. They loved it almost every time. I eventually dropped it from my repertoire because 2 or 3 girls didn’t like it. It was really about having fun and seeing what the limits were, but I eventually decided it wasn’t worth creeping out those 2% of girls who react badly.
BPN: Could you list some things you’ve experienced with women that have been counter-intuitive…anything that still makes you go “wow, I can’t believe this is real.”
Brad P: Yes, women with boyfriends will flirt with you right in front of their man. Even married women will do it. I understand why they do it in terms of the evolutionary psychology behind it, but it still weirds me out sometimes. Last night I was on a training here in Buffalo and me and the student were flirting with these women for a good 15 minutes. They were buying us drinks and everything. Then we find out one is married and the other has a boyfriend….and both guys were standing right next to us.
I don’t generally pursue women in relationships. It’s just bad karma. The crazy part is that if a woman is attracted to you, often she will not tell you she has a boyfriend, even if he’s RIGHT THERE! I’m not talking about crazy freaky girls either. I’m talking about nice girls, girl next door types, all kinds of girls have this behavior.
BPN: Do you believe that your current lifestyle is available to anyone who has the means to go out there and approach?
Brad P: I think most men are going benefit quite a bit if they study up and approach. I don’t think it always will turn out like it did for me. I encourage men to find their own way and define success in their own way. For some guys, they just want to have a girlfriend and get married.
I think that is a great goal to have and I give those guys the tools to get there. Other guys want to have one night stands and adventures, and I think that’s a good goal as well. I don’t try to push my type of lifestyle on my students, I just try to give them as much good information and inspiration as I can.
BPN: Finally, if I looked up Brad P. in the encyclopedia 100 years from
now, what would the article say?
Brad P: I don’t think you’d find me in there. I’m the best kept secret out there and I avoid all forms of mainstream exposure. I’ve turned down 10 documentary offers this year because I prefer to keep my classes small and really focus on each student’s individual needs. The material I teach is not for the masses. It’s a bit radical to ask people to come out of their comfort zone. Your average guy off the street is so
wrapped up in being a “nice guy” that he would immediately reject the kind of stuff I teach.
A guy who is open minded enough to suspend disbelief and try it out will almost always experience mind blowing improvement, but it’s not for everyone. This is something I struggle with- how to help more people but preserve the impact my material has on each indivdual. So far I’ve been more interested in impacting individuals than changing the world. I
‘m slowly warming up to the idea of helping more guys via CDs and eBooks, but I don’t expect the general public to become open-minded to this kind of thing anytime soon. Right now it’s a small percentage of guys who are getting a huge advantage in life from what I teach. Call me an elitest, but I think that’s kinda cool.
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