If you’ve ever watched a sitcom with me, you probably know that I can’t stand how most of their episodes unfold.  I’m sorry – it’s impossible not to mention it.  So instead of doing a regular news post today, I figured I’d let off a little steam.

Wife-Dominated Sitcoms Are Evil 

All I ever see on TV and in movies is wussy guys getting tossed around by cold, brutal women.  They’re the kind of women who would beat their wives if they were men. 

Am I being extreme?  I looked up a list of memorable quotes from “Everybody Loves Raymond” on IMDB.com, and imagine a man saying these things to his wife (all of which were said by “Debra”):

• You know what, I’m tired! Could you just call yourself an idiot?
• Don’t you say one more word or I’m gonna send your mother back in here to smack the crap out of you.
• I eat ice cream because you are stupid.

You get the idea.

Of course, we’ve grown up with this kind of stuff on TV, so we’re used to it, but we really shouldn’t be.  I’ve been called a sexist before, which is fine, because I probably am in some regards that I’m not aware of, but that doesn’t mean that a large amount of YOU aren’t.  Or sitcom writers.

Why Sitcoms Are More Sexist Than A Bowl of “Get Back in the Kitchen”

You know the basic plotline.  It goes like this:

• An insecure/stupid man makes mistake.
• Average-to-pretty housewife gets mad.
• Average-to-pretty hosuewife goes on a power trip, and verbally abuses her husband.  She might eat his soul during this step.
• Insecure oaf must learn to change his behavior to suit the woman’s needs, further placing his balls in the tight grip of her cold, evil hands.
• Once insecure oaf learns his lesson and changes his behavior, the evil woman reluctantly gives him her sexual approval…until next week.

Basically, the assumptions are as follows:  Most men don’t deserve their wives.  Most men should change their behavior and expect no change in return from their wives.  Men are lucky to even be able to touch women.  In fact, men are lucky to be a part of the reproductive process period.

And it’s not just men!  Sitcoms portray women as brooding housewives who hate any sort of sexual advances.

I’m assuming, of course, that most women don’t want to be portrayed as manipulative, miserable housewives.  Of course, I’ve met a few women who would fit in just fine.

A variation exists:  sometimes the wife is disproportionate in looks to her husband, so he must be even more “lucky” to have her.  See the picture on the left.

This gives us a valid reason that the man should have to win the wife’s approval.

Baloney.  In the words of the black guy from Rudy, “you’re going to graduate with a degree from one of the University of Notre Dame.  In this life, you ain’t gotta prove nothing to nobody.”  I just realized that makes no sense.  Moving on…

Why Does This Offend Me?

So who are the worst sitcoms to watch?  Well, the number one of all time, on my list, is “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  Every time I watch that show, I feel like the Geico caveman.

Not only is Ray’s character a complete moron and insecure little child who shows absolutely no hint of how he ended up with Patricia Heaton’s character in the first place, but Patricia Heaton’s character seems to legitimately hate him. 

I guess she has good reason, considering Raymond might be retarded, but that doesn’t explain why they ended up married.

There’s also “Home Improvement,” which wrote the book about sitcom marriages.  There’s virtually zero episodes where Tim Allen’s character doesn’t upset his wife and have to ask for Wilson’s advice. 

Of course, Patricia Richardson’s character will only accept him back after he’s come to some sort of realization about changing his behavior, and all will be right until the next episode, when Tim blows up her hair or something.

What to Watch, What to Avoid

I don’t doubt that marriages have to be built on some degree of compromises and sacrifice…but somehow, I think that both parties should be involved.

Maybe it isn’t healthy that sitcom relationships bother me so much, so I’d like to focus on the positives, too.  Here are some sitcoms that get the BipolarNation.com stamp of approval as being relatively low in evil-wife calories:

• The Simpsons
• Two and a Half Men
• Family Guy
• Seinfeld
• American Dad

And here are some sitcoms to avoid:

• Everybody Loves Raymond
• Home Improvement
• ‘Til Death
• The King of Queens (which isn’t AS bad)
• The War at Home
• Everybody Loves Raymond