This Just In: McDonald’s Is Delicious and Awesome
In an experiment on pre-schoolers (what a good way to start a blog post), U.S. researchers found out that they liked the same food when it was wrapped in McDonald’s wrappers vs. plain wrapping.
The study shows a couple of things, one being that McDonald’s branding does a spectacular job of linking their product with deliciousness in young American minds.
One thing the study does NOT say, and that I have to point out, is that there’s another force at work here: McDonald’s is bleeping delicious!
These researchers have to make politically correct findings in order to further secure funding for their hare-brained, obvious projects, so they say things like this:
[A doctor] said the study supports efforts to ban or regulate advertising or marketing of high-calorie, low-nutrient foods and beverages directed to young children.
Doctor, you’re ignoring the fact: McDonald’s is delicious!
The majority of their marketing and reputation and brand is based on foods that are high in calories and fat and low in nutritional value,” he said.
Translation: delicious!
Listen, you want to know why the kids thought the McDonald’s food tasted better, even though it was only the wrapping? Because kids have eaten McDonald’s before. And when they did, their brains said “Hmm…I’ve noticed that everything from McDonald’s is delicious. There must be a pattern here. I will now associate golden arches with deliciousness!”
If you want to blame obesity on something, blame it on the sweet, nourishing taste of readily-available fatty foods, the comfort of not exercising, combined with horseless carriages that let us transport ourselves without burning calories and an endless field of post-industrial age jobs that have us sitting way longer than our bodies were meant to. Not some child-focused ads from one company that don’t even exist anymore. Honestly, how did they let this retard get a medical degree?
The Anti-Obesity movement focuses on the Evil Corporation before looking for more difficult internal factors, which always spells trouble for real improvement. Doctors blame advertising and branding; McDonald’s is the absolute poster child for burger restaraunts presenting a healthier menu.
It’s almost taboo in our society to acknowledge that fatty foods just taste way better. America’s too wussy to deal with the great options at our disposal. If this were ancient Rome, the other greatest civilization of all time, we’d have drive-through McVomitoriums so we could keep eating the delicious greasy goodness of Wendy’s square beef. And we’d also walk there.
Honestly, this whole anti-obesity thing baffles me. Kids eat five packs of snacky s’mores and sit around playing video games. Do we really have to keep searching for obesity solutions?
These doctors with fancy degrees are hardly better than late-night “you can cure your own diabetes!” TV pitchmen. They tell people what they want to hear, which is that the problem is anyone’s but ours.
They set civilization back one year with each retarded study they publish that blames advertising, instead of giving us real, valuable resources that could help us make educated lifestyle decisions. Nothing will make a generation of fat kids more angry than growing up, learning what actually made them fat, and finding out they could have learned about it a decade earlier.
They’re like D.A.R.E. advisers who completely demonize a drug like marijuana and give teenagers a perfect outlet to rebel with. When an idiot kid tries it and doesn’t break into seizures and spit blood, everything D.A.R.E. told them gets debunked. Even I know this, and this is coming from someone who’s never smoked anything except Red, White, and Blue.
Something bad happens when you abandon your common sense in favor of overcomplication and blame games: you ruin a perfectly delicious thing like McDonald’s. With every advertisement for a non-fat McYogurt, a little part of me dies inside.
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