Ten Reasons Women Are Better Than Men

Ah, the old Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus discussion. I think if I was a stand-up comedian, I would talk about gender issues the same way many black comedians crack racial jokes, except 1/10th as funny. So today is Lady’s Night on BipolarNation.com.

Note: This is a part II of a post with Angel from All-American Soap Box.

1. Women are more attractive.

Sure, the reasons women are curvy and beautiful may have a cold and scientific background, but that doesn’t make them any less awesome to look at. Just the fact that women wear make up is enough to make them win this category, but that’s not all: women remove body hair for us, shave their legs, grow out and maintain their hair like it’s a flower garden, walk in awkward high heels and pick out just the right rings, bracelets, and necklaces. Meanwhile, many men look like Geico cavemen who are an epoch behind women in evolution. Women: you’re hot. Thanks for trying so hard.

2. Women are more socially adept and friendly.

If you get ten unfriendly people together in a room, chances are that nine of them are men. While boys are playing gangster, army, or cop on the first grade playground, all the girls want to do is play house and talk about who likes who. The result: men are gangsters, soldiers, and cops, and women are 10x more socially astute than us.

Do you watch the show “The Pick-Up Artist” on VH1? Even though the dorky contestants go out to pick up women are indeed goofy dorks, on almost every single approach, you can see the women give the dorks a clear window of opportunity to be impressive. Even if they end up rejecting them. Be friendly to a woman and there is a 97% chance she
will be friendly back. It drops to about 50-50 with men.

Also, Men are mostly responsible for any cold behavior from women – more on that later.

3. Women are the prize.

I’ve heard an interesting summation of evolutionary psychology: essenially, men behave like sperm, and women behave like eggs. As long as our biology stays that way, that’s how it’ll be. While men’s bodies create enough sperm to impregnate every grain of sand on Earth (well okay, not exactly – only 1% of sperm are designed to fertilize), each woman is born with a much more finite reproductive reserve. This means women have to be choosy about their mates, explaining why they always are nagging for wedding bands and suburban houses. They just want to get it right.

4. Every Human Starts Out Female.

It’s weird to think that, at one point in my early-early-early life, I was a woman. At the time, I was definitely a lesbian. Every child needs that extra chromosome to become male.

Also, eventually women will be able to synthetically fertilize themselves – eliminating the need for male sperm. This means I belong to a gender that might one day be as obsolete as rotary phones.

This, together with feminist liberation (NOT the same as the feminist movement), means that if you were going to buy stock in a gender, you should buy big into women.

5. Women Don’t Care As Much About Your Looks.

Women are just as superficial as men, but in different ways. Essentially, if you’re just as cool or cooler than the woman you’re hanging out with, she’ll be attracted to you – it’s as certain as men being attracted to physical cues like youth, facial beauty, and hip-to-waist-ratio. Similarly, if she’s not attracted to you, you might not get the time of day. However, this does mean that women will be more likely to judge you on something you can easily change: your behaviors.

Paired with reason 1, this means women care way more about how they look than how you look, even if they fix your collar once in a while.

I’m not saying that women are less ruthless as men when it comes to mate selection. Far, far from it. But the bright side is that if you’re a guy who’s 400 pounds with a hairy back, but you can make a woman laugh, you’ll always be in her league. Not true with men.

6. Women Are Way Better At Fashion.

I shouldn’t even have to argue this one – it should be a requirement for every male who wants to go buy “good” clothes to bring along a woman. I have a female friend who’s legally blind and STILL picked out the perfect shirts for my ex-roommate. That’s right: they can do it blind-folded.

Women wear jeans that fit them and shoes that match their belts. They factor in what they wore last week. Their level of effort nearly rivals our sports knowledge.

In contrast, I once went on a camping trip where I didn’t change my clothes for four days and never took a shower. When I came back, my body was actually 15% dirt crust. (The women reading this are going “ew!” and telling themselves they could never do that. Exactly my point.)

Women are also always willing to give you advice and share the knowledge – see reason number two. If you want to see what it looks like for a pretty woman to light up, ask her for fashion advice. It’s the same reaction a guy would have if Cindy Crawford came up and asked if you could teach her about the Chicago Bears.

7. Men Are Just Creeps.

Much of the reason women will act cold to men is because it’s a learned behavior – especially the more attractive a woman is. After puberty, they begin to accumulate years and years of experience of being gawked at, glared at, whistled at, and even directly approached – usually from guys who are creepy (see reason 2). Some women learn early on that it’s
just best not to trust us, especially when even the “nice ones” end up getting weird at some point. Women don’t want to be angry with hard exteriors, but sometimes it’s just a necessary strategy for dealing with the creeps who are incapable of being unique.

Serial killers, criminals, gangsters, and politicians tend to be men. It’s just the way it is – and women have to navigate a world populated with whole armies of us creepos. Give them a break.

8. Men don’t get pregnant, carry babies, or go through labor.

Enough said, I think.

9. Women are more tolerant of abnormalities and eccentricities.
Sort of like the “Seinfeld” effect, where Jerry couldn’t date women with tainted toothbrushes, man-hands or who wore the same dress. While the male tribal instinct is a little less trusting of those different than us, many women are open to exploring the novel, the unfamiliar, and even enjoy a little abnormality. Considering what experience has taught them about “normal” men (see reason 7), going all Howard Hughes can actually be interesting.

Note: this isn’t always true. Some women are fascinated with people like Criss Angel or Tommy Lee, and some women are totally turned off by them. I have no explanation for this.

10. Women are better singers.

With a few classic exceptions – Pavoratti, Sinatra, Barry White – women have pleasanter voices than men. It’s oustanding female singers who make awesome songs like Mozart’s Queen of the Night aria possible – if a guy sang that successfully, he should be applauded and then stoned.

There are a few counter-arguments. One is that while women have pleasant voices, many men have cooler ones. Without men, there’d be no Darth Vader or Charlton Heston. Another is that men are often behind the good music anyway – Jermaine Dupri for Mariah Carey’s “We Belong Together,” Dr. Dre working with Mary J. Blige, etc.