Don’t Give Politicians Free Time
The race for the Democratic nomination is much more interesting when there’s nothing for the candidates to do but make trouble.
It all seemed to start when footage Obama’s former (or current? I don’t know) pastor started getting played over and over again on Fox News.
[Note: That which appears in my normal “quotes” box here aren’t actual quotes. You’ll see that in a few seconds.]
Jeremiah Wright: Meh meh meh! The government gave me AIDS! [Bleep] America! I use Hillary Clinton in the same sentence as the N-word! Hibbery hibbery doo!
Conservative pundits: Sweet, this is like shooting fish in a barrel!
Fox News Producer: Let’s show this clip again.
Then, Barack Obama felt he finally had to address it and gave a “speech” on “race,” which ended up just being more commie BS.
Barack Obama: I have the opportunity to distance myself from this pastor, but I won’t because I trust the liberal media to protect me. Now let’s talk about education and how much money we need to waste on it. Wait, I forgot to mention that my grandma was a white racist. Man, I hate Whitey.
Conservative pundits: Ugh.
Chris Matthews: Isn’t he dreamy?
Polls: Bleep Obama.
Then, as Obama sunk in the polls, the best thing possible happened for him: Hillary Clinton got negative attention! She was caught in a lie about a trip to Bosnia that turned out not being as scary as she made it out to be.
Hillary Clinton (a few weeks ago): When I was First Lady, I flew to Bosnia to do a meet and greet with the troops. What happened will haunt my dreams forever.
Hillary Clinton supporters listening (a few weeks ago): Yay!
Hillary Clinton (a few weeks ago): I landed in the helicopter. In fact, I landed the helicopter. Yeah, that’s the ticket. The pilot was killed by a stray bullet, so I took the wheel and corkscrewed that baby straight into Bosnia. Yeah, and it was a total war zone. Bullets were flying everywhere - Chelsea caught one in the ankle. Yeah! We were pinned down, so I grabbed an M-80, kicked the door open, put Chelsea on my shoulder and shouted “here’s some foreign policy experience, [bleeps]!” I totally destroyed those guys. I was shooting them like, dugh-dugh-dugh-dugh!
American public: Hmm, can we check the video on this?
Video: [Footage of Hillary in mid-90’s in Bosnia hugging children outdoors]
American public: I see. Looks like a total lie. Hillary, we’d like to hear what you have to say now.
Hillary Clinton: I “misspoke.”
Bill Clinton (from a payphone at a Hooters): You tell ‘em, Hillary. Try the “definition of ‘is’” thing.
Hillary Clinton: What I MEANT to say was … something totally true. So sue me.
American public: No. “Misspoke” means you accidentally said “M-18″ instead of “M-80.” Being under sniper fire is something you just made up.
Hillary Clinton: LOLz! Oopsies! Woman president? Please?
So, like a hungry stomach, the Democratic nomination process is turning against itself.
In case you haven’t noticed, there’s been little attention paid to McCain these days outside of the New York Times.
New York Times: Hey! Pay no attention to the facts here, but we have an article that says McCain had an affair!
American public: We don’t care right now. What’s the latest economic news for me to fear?
Today Show: We’ll tell you!
American public: Got any tips on what car gadgets to avoid or creating healthy meals in just five minutes?
Today Show: Sure do!
American public: Sweet! Fish tacos!
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see what happens when it’s not the nomination on the line, but the Presidency itself. We should have an election every year.
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