Lots of Europeans have a funny feeling running up their leg when it comes to Barack Obama. He does so well there that one of his major campaign speeches this year wasn’t in Butte or Buffalo: it was in Berlin.

How do they love him? Let me count the ways.

After Obama won the primary, the Facebook group “Brits for Barack” claimed “we did it!” as if they had any say in the matter.

The Berliner Morgenpost (translation: Berlin Morning Post) called Obama the “New Kennedy.” An editorial in the Frankfurter Rundschau (translation: “Hot Dog Rundschau”) had a headline that read “Lincoln, Kennedy, Obama.”

It’s not unusual to see a large picture of Obama on the front page of the Times of London, or the Daily Telegraph. And, hard as it may to believe – even a lot of French people like Obama!

Many Europeans are so pumped up about this election they’re saying they wish they could vote. Which, for some, I suppose, means they wish they were Americans.

There’s only one problem: they’re not Americans. They don’t get a vote. Nobody from Pennsylvania sees their “Obama/Biden” stickers. Nobody from Ohio will vote because “wow – Europe’s in a tizz!”

So bleep you, Europe.

For years, all we hear you say about U.S. foreign policy is that we do too much world policing. Okay, fine. But suddenly, during our elections, you want a say. Mind your own business. You don’t get a vote. And thank goodness for that, because you people often vote like morons. Plus, aside from the British Isles, you people have absurd, unenjoyable accents. And I’m from the Midwest – I know about absurd unenjoyable accents.