A recent article in Guardian.co.uk laid out an interesting take on much of the psychology behind some feminine behaviors that otherwise may look a little strange.  Since I’ll use any old excuse to post a picture of Dayana Mendoza, this seems like as good a time as any to post a few of my own reflections.

The article, titled “Why women have sex,” gets much of its inspiration from “Cindy Meston, a clinical psychologist, and David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist.”  So, at least you’re not just reading this stuff on some dude’s blog.

1.  “Friends with genetic benefits.”

According to the article, women are on the lookout for two things, generally, from their men:  genetic benefits and resource benefits.  If you’re familiar with “sexy son” theory, you know that genetic benefits means that a man could help produce healthy, sexy off-spring – who could then produce a lot of their own off-spring, because they’re sexy.  Resource benefits refers to men with big houses and good jobs.

Then I learn why women marry accountants; it’s a trade-off. “Clooneyish” men tend to be unfaithful, because men have a different genetic agenda from women – they want to impregnate lots of healthy women. Meston and Buss call them “risk-taking, womanising ‘bad boys’”. So, women might use sex to bag a less dazzling but more faithful mate. He will have fewer genetic benefits but more resource benefits that he will make available, because he will not run away. This explains why women marry accountants.

Ouch.  “This explains why women marry accountants.”  This and no other reason, huh?  Sorry, accountants of the world; I didn’t write it.

2.  To flaunt their mate.

When Jessica Simpson was dating Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, she wore a “real girls eat meat” T-shirt, possibly because a Romo ex-girlfriend was a vegetarian.  I know it’s surprising that a celebrity might stoop to superficial, petty behavior, but at least now we have an explanation.  And here I thought Simpson was just an advocate of ingesting protein from dead animals.

You’re not a true proponent of the cause, Simpson!

3.  To keep their mate.

Women regularly have sex with their mates to stop them seeking it elsewhere. Mate guarding is closely related to “a sense of duty”, a popular reason for sex, best expressed by the Meston and Buss interviewee who says: “Most of the time I just lie there and make lists in my head. I grunt once in a while so he knows I’m awake, and then I tell him how great it was when it’s over. We are happily married.”

They’re also fighting poverty.

4.  $$$$$

Not just prostitution.

“The degree to which economics plays out in sexual motivations,” Buss says, “surprised me. Not just prostitution. Sex economics plays out even in regular relationships. Women have sex so that the guy would mow the lawn or take out the garbage. You exchange sex for dinner.” He quotes some students from the University of Michigan. It is an affluent university, but 9% of students said they had “initiated an attempt to trade sex for some tangible benefit”.

No comment!

5.  To fall in love.

When you’re in love, your brain gives you chemicals like dopamine that make you feel good, so there is definitely something tangible about feeling like Marvin Gaye.  When people are in love with each other, they’re more likely to stick around with each other (yes, fighting poverty in the process) because – hey – it feels good being in love.

According to the article, 73% of Russian women and 63% of Japanese women say they’re in love, but only 61% of Russian men and 41% of Japanese men report the same.  Sorry, Russian and Japanese female readers.

6.  To steal a dude.

Says the article:

We “compete to embody what men want” – high heels to show off our pelvises, lip-gloss to make men think about vaginas, and we see off our rivals with slander. We spread gossip – “She’s easy!” – because that makes the slandered woman less inviting to men as a long-term partner.

This sums up something we already know:  dolled-up women are on a mission.  Now we have a hint as to what kind of man-grubbing, twisted, home-wrecking mission it is.  Curse you beautiful vixens!

7.  Pity.

Maybe this is why women like Democrats and welfare so much:

Ever had sex out of pity and wondered why? “Women,” say Meston and Buss, “for the most part, are the ones who give soup to the sick, cookies to the elderly and . . . sex to the forlorn.” “Tired, but he wanted it,” says one female.

I’m pretty sure this is the saddest reason (it edges out the one you’re about to read), so I’m moving on now.

8.  They can’t get anything better.

Attached to the paragraph I just pasted above, you can find this:

Pause for more amazing detail: fat people are more likely to stay in a relationship because no one else wants them.

What if the fat guy’s dating a girl who can do better?  What about this guy?

9.  For the forces of darkness.

If you’re a misogynist, it’s probably about time you go Google something else, because the following will not help you:

“We never ever expected it to be so diverse,” she [Meston]says. “From the altruistic to the borderline evil.” Evil? “Wanting to give someone a sexually transmitted infection,” she explains.

Now, remember, this isn’t a reason that all women use to have sex.  And there are probably men who have done the same.  I’m just saying I don’t want to meet this girl.

10.  To make him jealous.

Of course, engaging in behaviors like having sex with other men typically make men jealous, but one has to wonder how this one actually plays out in real life.  Isn’t it a bit counter-productive to try wooing a man by doing the horizontal polka with someone else?  Yes, but no one said all of these reasons had to make sense.

In all, Beston and Buss counted 237 reasons women make sweet love.

Why couldn’t we have learned that in school?